Dear Future Me,

As you may (or may not) remember, I am writing this letter to you from the past. A time when I don’t think I’ve ever been this sleep-deprived in my entire life. I’m not being dramatic. I have gotten five hours of sleep in the past two days, and I am physically starting to twitch.

I think it’s because I’m scared. I am in the thick of college application season, and I procrastinated (A LOT), which means I am paying for my actions.  As you might recall, I have decided to apply to 16 schools because I have a lot of “favorites.” I can’t wait for it to be over, and I can prove to everyone who said I couldn’t handle it.

I want to be accepted into a college (that I like). A college that I can see myself going to every day. Where I am happy because I am surrounded by like-minded individuals. A college that will make all of this completely worth it? I can’t handle rejection to a school I care about, because it seems like the worst thing that could happen. If my top three schools reject me, I will be heartbroken. I’ve already prepared everyone to be ready just in case it happens.

Anyway, I’m curious about my future. As of right now, I feel like I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. If someone would hand me a scalpel and play “How to Save A Life” from Grey’s Anatomy I would be all set. I could die happily knowing that I achieved my biggest dream. I may only be seventeen years old, but something inside me yearns to be a surgeon. I would do anything and everything to be one.

But, what if that’s not who I am in the future. What if I become an AP Psychology teacher or an immunologist who finds out the answers about how our immune system functions (I have scared my AP Bio teacher because of all the questions I asked him that there are no answers to).

I know I have time to figure out who I am, but it would just be easier for me to know now. I want all of the answers readily available to me at all times. However, I’ll wait (even though you already know, which isn’t fair).

I feel like some things about me won’t change with age. I’ll forever be a MAJOR Taylor Swift fan; Grey’s Anatomy will always be my favorite show to rewatch (when it ends I’m going to have a rough time coping); I will have random dance breaks while doing work to calm me down; white will remain my favorite color because of how versatile and classy it is.

I’m sure that you are in California (or at least a big city on the east coast). You will have Pooches (your mini white dog) and Fitzwilliam (your cat named after Mr. Darcy from the BEST novel Pride and Prejudice). I can imagine we live in a white house with colorful accent pieces. You probably learned how to cook out of desperation and hate it. Maybe you are married to someone that makes you happy (and hopefully likes to cook).

Side question: Did we ever get our two Ph.D.’s so that we could write Ph.D. squared in our signature because that does seem like something we would do just because we love school (and being better than others *wink*).

Although I don’t know what you are doing, I’m proud of you. Also, I know that words of affirmation aren’t your love language, so take this as a sign to buy yourself a gift!

I love you (or should I say I love me),
Nia (aka Ni)